New Study Finds Autism in Washington's Army

A new study by researchers at the Mayo Clinic finds that many of the troops in the Continental Army began to act strangely after vaccinations for smallpox on orders of General George Washington.  Researchers have determined that, although the word had not yet been coined, these men were suffering from autism.

Historians believe that the autism epidemic was the major reason Washington had to ask for help from the French at Yorktown.  Dr. Ralph Perkins, who headed the project, noted that the study was terminated early because of cutbacks instituted by Elon Musk.

And Wanda, if you are reading this, it is what is called a spoof.  It is satire.  It is made up.  It didn’t happen.  So please don’t use it in your next letter to the Times News.