The Republican Majority

Now that the Republicans are in power in Washington, they need an agenda.  Based on past performance and stated goals, here’s a ten-point program for Rep. Barletta, Sen. Toomey, and all those other stalwarts of rectitude and probity.

1. Slash the minimum wage.  Why would people work hard if they don’t have to?  Starvation, as Republicans know, is a great motivator.  Also, slashing the minimum wage would increase the gap between rich and poor, a long-standing Republican goal.

2. Investigate Benghazi.  The previous eight investigations might have missed something.

3. Repeal the Affordable Care Act.  Then repeal it again.  And again.  42 times was not enough.

4. Return to the old Cuban policy.  After all, it worked well for over 50 years.

5. Give banks more financial leeway.  (Oh wait, they already did that last fall.)

6. Mandate the Keystone pipeline. It will aid contributors from the oil and gas companies, including the Koch Brothers, who deserve gratitude for all they have done for the GOP.

7. Put boots on the ground in Syria, Iraq, Libya, Iran, Lebanon, Egypt, and Bekibekibekistan.  With the all-volunteer army, no congress member’s son or daughter will be serving there anyway.

8. Outlaw masturbation.  Sex without procreation is always wrong.  It says so somewhere in the Bible.

9. Impeach Obama. And Michelle.  

10. Repeal the Affordable Care Act.