Owning politicians

Here is a portion of an article datelined Washington and entitled “N.R.A. Defends Right To Own Politicians”:

In testimony before the Senate Judiciary Committee today, National Rifle Association CEO Wayne LaPierre warned that the NRA would vigorously oppose any legislation that “limits the sale, purchase, or ownership of politicians.”

“Politicians pose no danger to the public if used correctly,” said Mr. LaPierre, who claims to have over 200 politicians in his personal collection.

The article concludes:

...the NRA leader ended his testimony by serving notice that he would “resist any attempt” to take away the hundreds of elected officials he says are legally his.

As if to illustrate that point, he clutched Sen Chuck Grassley (R-Iowa) close to his chest and bellowed, “From my cold, dead hands.”

OK, the selections are from “The Borowitz Report” by Andy Borowitz, one of the sharpest satirists in America.  The full article appears in the March issue of Funny Times, but you may also access it on <http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/borowitzreport/>.  Just scroll down--it’s there.