Corbett resigns

Today Pennsylvania Governor Corbett released a brief statement resigning from his office.  The Governor apologized for ruining the state’s educational system and his disastrous environmental policies.

The announcement was greeted with both surprise and relief.  One bystander said, “This came years too late.”  Speculation centered on the Governor’s inability to win reelection and the possibility that Corbett might be angling for a job with either the liquor industry or Texas fracking interests.

The full text of the release follows:

“My fellow Pennsylvanians.  I am ashamed of what I have done to our Commonwealth during my tenure in office.  My approval of voter suppression, my support for assault weapons, my opposition to a severance tax, my cuts in educational funding, my attempt to sell off the state stores, my anti-union activity, my refusal to expand Medicare, and my  approval of the worst gerrymander in the state’s history have all contributed to wrecking our Commonwealth.  I am so sorry for what I have done.  I just hope you will find it in your hearts to forgive me.  Also, while you are forgiving me, I also want to say I am sorry for not pushing the investigation of Sandusky while I was Attorney General.  Thank you.”