Cultural wasteland

We have this arrangement with Sunny’s Gas Station and MiniMart on 209.  Every day they get one copy of the New York Times.  They put it aside for us, and we buy it.  If for some reason we don’t get there, they hold it.  If we are on vacation, they keep all the copies, and we buy them when we get back.

Perhaps once every two months or so the distributor screws up and forgets our Times.  Then we go on a quest–Turkey Hill in Gilbert, Weis Market in Broadheadsville, the Sunoco station in Palmerton, the gas station near the Mahoning interchange.  None of them had the Times today.  What kind of place is this?  We are 90 miles from New York, and nobody had the newspaper of record.  When we lived in Fairfax, CA, we had it delivered to our house every day.  TO OUR HOUSE!  EVERY DAY!

Now somebody will tell me they read it on the internet, to which I can only reply, Bullshit.  Nobody reads the New York Times on the internet.  I are calling realtors.  I are getting out.  I can’t stand it.